Hitched & Hitched Again: A Comedy of Marital Mayhem

Early the next morning, Elysia was up before sunrise.

After chatting with the innkeeper, she rolled up her sleeves and made scrambled eggs and pancakes for the kids, along with ssimple sides-crispy bacon, hashbrowns, and a bowl of fresh fruit.

She knew everyone had different tastes, and the kids hadn't really eaten much the night before the local food just wasn't what they were used to. Today was the first day they'd be heading into the mountains, and from here on out, it was going to be picnic meals and campfire food for a while. Elysia wanted to make sure her family got a good breakfast in them while they could.

The innkeeper and his wife were true Darkfort City locals, blunt and friendly. They went on and on about how adorable the kids were, then started complimenting Elysia, and even threw in spraise for Tarquin.

"I swear, your whole family looks like you stepped out of a magazine!" the innkeeper's wife said. "We've had so many families stay here over the years, but none as good-looking as yours!" After all the flattery, she turned serious for a moment, giving them sadvice: "When you head up the mountain, follow the marked trail. Stick to the signs- don't wander off on the smaller paths, it's easy to get lost out there. And if you see a sign telling you not to go somewhere, don't ignore it. Most of these mountains are just untouched wilderness-real wild, not part of any park. Nobody goes in there. It's dangerous." She lowered her voice. "Just last week, they carried out a few bodies. Sfolks went off-trail, adventurers or something. They got attacked by wild animals-one had his head bashed in, another was half-eaten. Whatever did it, it wasn't human.

There's all kinds of dangerous creatures out there, not just bears or wolves. Ssay there's things in those woods that nobody's ever seen." "Don't go exploring just because you're curious," she added. "It's not worth it." Elysia nodded, genuinely grateful for the warning.

Maybe it was all her years living in the mountains, but she wasn't scared so much as concerned for the kids. She finished up breakfast and went to wake them. Over coffee, she told Tarquin about the deaths in the woods. Tarquin just nodded. "It was a group of wildlife photographers snuck into the restricted area to get pictures. They got mauled by animals. The coroner found animal DNA in the wounds-nothing to do with people." Elysia frowned, letting out a sigh. She felt bad for them. She didn't mind going into the mountains herself, but she'd never recommend it to people who didn't know what they were doing. The wild was no joke.

"If I hadn't lived out here for years, and if it weren't for White and Evan, I'd never drag my family out here for an adventure," she said. "There's so many fun places in the world you don't have to choose the most dangerous one. It's not worth risking your life." "No worries," Tarquin said, giving her a reassuring smile. "We'll be fine. I've lived in these hills for five years and never seen anything like 'wild men.' Still, we'll keep our guard up." After breakfast, the seven of them set out-just family, no bodyguards, no entourage.

The first part of the hike was along a narrow, winding trail. Evan and White led the way, the boys practically bouncing with excitement. The wilderness was hfor them-Evan especially, who'd grown up at the foot of these mountains and knew every rock and tree.

Baby, on the other hand, was more used to being pampered by Keith Garcia. Not much stamina. After a little while, she started to lag behind, her little legs struggling to keep up.

Tarquin, carrying the biggest backpack, just scooped her up and settled her on his shoulders. He was strong as a bull and twice as energetic.

They hiked on, taking breaks here and there, until they reached the edge of the restricted area by afternoon.

Elysia eyed the warning sign, cautious. "Evan, are you sure this is the right way?" He nodded confidently. "It's the safest route. And there's a perfect spot to set up camp just a little ways in-I checked it out before." "Alright," Elysia said, "let's get moving. We want the tents up before dark." With Evan leading the way, they slipped past the sign and into the forbidden woods. The air was cooler and seemed to hum with danger. Elysia's heart pounded, but years of mountain living had made her tough. She wasn't scared-just alert. Emmett was the same, a little wary but not afraid. Baby clung to Tarquin, wide-eyed and nervous, not letting go for a second.

After about an hour, they reached a bubbling creek with a big, grassy clearing perfect for tents. The forest at night could be treacherous, with hungry animals prowling for food. The tents were for more than just comfort-they were their best shot at staying safe.

They dropped their packs and took a breather. Tarquin got to work setting up

tents, with Elliot and Elijah helping.

Elysia took Evan, Eromett, and Baby to gather firewood and get a campfire going.

Baby finally started to relax.

Can we "Mommy, look! Mushrooms! put these in the stew?" She reached eagerly for sbright red and white mushrooms growing under a tree, but Elysia caught her hand just in time.

"Whoa, slow down! Those are fly agaric mushrooms-they're poisonous."

Baby's eyes went round as saucers.

"But they're so pretty! Really, they can hurt you?" Elysia nodded. "Sof the prettiest mushrooms are the most dangerous. You have to be careful with wild things out here. If you see something weird, ask Mommy before you touch it, okay?" The deep woods were dangerous for a lot of reasons-the unpredictable weather, the confusing terrain, the wild animals, and all sorts of toxic bugs and plants. Even the most innocent-looking things could be deadly out here.

Baby nodded seriously. "Okay, I promise!" Elysia smiled and ruffled her hair.

As they walked away from the tree and the poisonous mushrooms, neither of them noticed a deadly viper pinned to the trunk above their heads skewered through the body, held fast by a broken-off branch. It hadn't been Evan or Tarquin who'd done it.